Don’t kiss him

1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mom will cry.

2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the one who thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn't. Don’t be selfish.

3. When you force yourself to sleep and it doesn't come - get up. It doesn't matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 ams. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you've read 202 times again. Maybe the 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed - you will think about the bus again.

4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.

5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.

6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.

7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Get ‘fuck you’ tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.

8. When you feel the yearning for a new city - start over. Take 200 bucks and three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself with strangers in a small one bedroom apartment.

9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. 

10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic. And don't kiss him.